I think I am making this update specifically for the benefit of someone who doesn't even read this.
I can safely say I feel jaded. Things just seem so gloomy. My future looks gloomy, my situations look gloomy. The only thing that I can say is bright is that I know I'm trying to change some things that I think need changed.
So Jay and I had a sort of, I geuss you could say, fling. It might have been something else if everyone hadn't freaked out all at once. I'm trying not to blame the person who I actually think is responsible, I know she doesn't deserve it. I got tired of playing some sort of psuedo heart tug of war with Jay. I told him to make a choice, to tell me what he wanted if he wanted something. He said no. It saves on teen drama, whatever. I've noticed an increasing amount of stupid teen drama, especially in our group of friends. Especially especially surrounding Laurel. She just isn't where Matt Jay and I are. Or maybe I'm so used to not having to compete with girls for attention that I'm starkly oppressed by her prescence. I just stopped trying to talk when Everyone is in the room because if I start a phrase she catches it in the middle and makes it hers. I stopped putting myself in the silly rough house situations we used to have becuase it's not worth it. When I got attention she got jealous, she wants it so she can have it. I don't know why I feel like she's some sort of competitor, we are supposed to be friends. And on all the things I'm worried about, being jealous of my friend isn't something I thought would be at the top of the list. I geuss maybe it's not that big a deal and I'm making it bigger in my head because I don't want to focus on the other problems.. hmm.. what a conundrum.
In other news, My mother was supposed to leave this morning for Montana, but they postponed it to tomorrow. and I hve like ten bucks to last me the next week and two days. awesome that is.
Uh, blah blah blah blah. there is alot in here to say but really, nothing to say. I just want a good night's sleep. I keep waking up all the time. Which evidently I didn't know, but is a symptom of FMS. Weird how all the things I have wrong with me relate to it. Including the fact that they may not let me join the military.
The world is a Bitch. I'm going to bed, Have a good one.
Dawno.